


The Iron Bull's Erotic Adventures

by AlexaLily



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Implied Bestiality, Implied Relationships, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Public Hand Jobs, Smut, Watersports
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 06:22:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19717981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexaLily/pseuds/AlexaLily
Summary: A Collection of short stories featuring The Iron Bull in various sexy situations.(Each chapter will have a note at the start for the relevant tags)





	1. A Golden Start to the Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Cassandra/The Iron Bull, Watersports Public Hand Jobs)

"Good morning Bull." The Iron Bull didn't need to turn around to know that it was Cassandra Pentaghast speaking to him. He grumbled out some words that were meant to be a ' _good morning_ ' in return but his extreme hangover twisted the words into unrecognizable mush.

"That's my helmet you're pissing into." Cassandra pointed out. Bull stopped his stream and only now realized that he had chosen the one spot along the back of the tavern that was occupied by something other than overgrown weeds.

"Oh, uh... sorry." He made a concerted effort to make sure his words were comprehensible this time around. Cassandra shook her head and started to pull off her gloves. Bull could see the smirk on her face and he knew that meant that she had a plan. Generally speaking, he didn't like it what she had a plan.

"Clearly you need some help aiming." she said as she reached one hand over and grasped the base of his cock. The Iron Bull opened his mouth to try and say something but nothing came out. 

"Come on then, keep going." she urged. He resumed his stream but it tapered off quickly as the touch of Cassandra's hand made his cock begin to stiffen. She shook his cock a bit, causing a few droplets of piss to scatter through the air, and then gave Bull a sly look.

"Well then." Cassandra and Bull looked at each other for a moment before she began stroking his lengthy member as best she could with just one hand.

"Uh, Seeker, I-"

"No no, I caused this so I'll help fix it." she interrupted him. He opened his mouth to say something but she cut him off again. "Just enjoy it, Bull."

"...Okay." He was too hungover to put up any sort of fight. He didn't mind that Cassandra was taking initiative with him - in fact there had been more than one occasion in which he thought about her while pleasing himself - it was more the fact that they were standing in part of Skyhold's courtyard and could potentially be seen by any number of people looking out windows or walking by.

Cassandra repositioned herself and knelt down in front of Bull so she could properly grasp his rod with both hands. Bull was going to say something about the fact that she had knelt down exactly where his piss had been pooling but the way she kneaded her knees into the muddy puddle of urine he assumed that she knew exactly what she was doing. It seemed that her hands knew exactly what to do as well. Although the two of them had never been together before, her dexterous handling of his massive member made The Iron Bull wonder if she had been with a Qunari before. 

Her hands were softer than he had expected them to be. She had spent so much of her life training that he had always assumed that they would be as rough as any other soldier's but instead they felt like they belonged to a diplomat or a noble (and he knew very well what a noble's hands wrapped around his cock felt like). It wasn't just the softness though, the way she squeezed and released his cock in time to the rhythm of the strokes served as a better hangover cure than he had ever experience in his life. 

" _Cassandra_ " he groaned, doing his best to keep his voice low so as not to attract any attention.

"Just let it out." she whispered and a moment later he felt the first throb of his cock as he reached his climax. It was an early morning after a late night so his load was _relatively_ small compared to what he could normally put out but it still seemed like it was more than what Cassandra was expecting. She had kept his cock pointed directly at her so the first spray of cum caught her off guard as it splashed across her face. She opened her mouth in a gasp just as the second spray launched out, some of it landing in her mouth, but a quick change in how she held his cock got the rest of it down on her chest. Bull had two more large ropes of cum launch out across her neck and chest before he felt the throbbing subside. Just as quickly as the orgasm hit him, his cock began to soften. 

"There we go." she muttered to herself as she squeezed along the length of his shaft and put her tongue under the tip to catch the last few bits of his cum as it dripped out.

"Ah, Cassandra, I-" he started to speak but she was still uninterested in what he had to say.

"Well, now that I've helped you I think you need to help clean up and wash me off." She looked up at him, cum splattered across her face and one hand still on the base of his cock. The hangover wasn't _completely_ gone yet so it took him a moment to realize what she had meant but once he realized it he did as she wished and resumed pissing.

Cassandra kept her hand firmly on the shaft and kept it pointed directly at herself. She grinned as the warm golden liquid covered her face and washed away the sticky white load that Bull had put there moments earlier. She briefly ducked her head down and let the piss soak into her hair, as well, and was sure to get every bit of her head at least a little bit wet. Iron Bull did his best to not look down at her for fear that if he did he might start to harden up again and then they'd be out here even longer. Cassandra opened her mouth in an attempt to drink some but it flowed so quickly that it caught her off guard and when she swallowed some down, most of it spilled out and ran down her neck and across her chest. She pointed the yellow stream down towards her chest until Bull finished emptying his impressively sized bladder.

"Is that all?" she questioned. He wasn't sure if she was asking because she was done or because she wanted more. It didn't matter either way though because he was definitely empty now.

"Yes, that's all." he quietly confirmed. Without saying anything, she let go of his cock and picked up the helmet that he had accidentally filled with piss earlier. She held it up over her head and then tilted it and started to slowly pour it out all over herself. She let out a small gasp and commented how it's wasn't quite as warm as when it's fresh. The golden liquid splashed from her head, down onto her shoulders, and then flowed down her torso to her legs and eventually to the ground. Nearly every bit of her had at least a bit of Bull's piss soaking into her. Once the helmet was empty, she stood up and looked Iron Bull up and down.

"Put your cock away before someone sees." she said as she placed the helmet on the tip of one of Bull's horns. He had been slightly stunned at her kinky display but her words snapped him out of it and he did as instructed.

"Thanks for the fun, Bull, but I suppose I need to go take a proper shower now since _someone's_ piss is particularly pungent." she gave him a wry smile before she turned and walked away. Bull couldn't help but stare in disbelief as she walked away. There was a part of him that was almost certain that this whole thing had been a strange dream but he knew that the truth was that it had all really happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something a little different and a little bit silly. I've always imagined that Cassandra lived kind of a strict/sheltered upbringing so she probably is lowkey one of the kinkiest members of the Inquisition. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it!


	2. The Horse Thief Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Iron Bull returns to Skyhold from an expedition and is immediately caught up in some rather interesting conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (implied bestiality, implied Cassandra/Sera, implied The Iron Bull/Sera)

" _Bull!_ " He recognized that shouting. He had only just gotten back to Skyhold after another mission with the Inquisitor and Cassandra was, somehow, already angry with him about something. 

" _War Room! Now!_ " Bull sighed and looked up at Cassandra who was standing at the top of the tall stairs leading up to the large doors of the main hall. Without a word, he started the ascent up the stairways but he was sure to take his time. 

"Hold on to this for me." He said as he handed his greataxe off to one of the guards standing outside the hallway that connected to the war room. He sighed once again as preparation for what he assumed was going to be an immediate chewing out and then entered through the heavy doors into the War Room.

"This is all _your_ fault, y'know!" While he was right about the yelling, he was wrong about _who_ was yelling. He had been gone on the mission for nearly three weeks so he hadn't seen Sera in a while but he had hoped that after the lengthy, and passionate, night that they had spent together before he left he had hoped that she might've been a bit more welcoming when he got back.

"You went and gave me the greatest dickin' of my life and then up and left me here all by myself!"

"Well, I-" he tried to get a word in but she was not currently interested in hearing what he had to say.

"No matter how many men I tried, none of them filled me up the way you did and not a single one got me anywhere close to cummin'!" The Iron Bull looked over at Cassandra who had the smuggest look on her face. Any anger that she had before had dissipated as soon as Sera had started yelling.

"So's I went to Morrigan to ask for help - I know the sorts of things she likes, a real wild girl that one, hah - an' she gave me the biggest dildo she has an' it felt pretty good, I'll give her that much but it still wasn't big enough to get me off."

"Uh-"

"And so then after that she suggested that I try something different. 'A bit more lively' was the was she put it. I wasn't really sure what she meant at first - you know how she can be - but it turns out that what she meant was that since you're hung like a horse then the closest replacement might be an actual horse. _An actual horse!_ "

"A horse?" Bull wasn't actually trying to get any comments in at this point, his mouth just occasionally moved on his own and a word or two of disbelief at Sera's increasingly wild story came out.

"So I check out the stables, yeh? Of course you lot took nearly all the horses with you on yer lil' expedition or whatever so there was barely anyone left. Anyway, the stablehand, yeh? Well, he's nothin' to write home about, he was one of the first men I tried while you were gone an' it wasn't anything worth a damn. He does know a lot about horses though, which is probably useful seein' as he works in the stables and all. Well he said that they've got a couple stallions they use for breedin' and that they don't let you lot take them out because they don't want them gettin' ate by a demon or whatever."

"Demons?"

"Well my timing ended up bein' perfect because he was actually about to do some breedin' - oh, horse breedin' of course, he didn't invite me to watch him with his wife or nothin', hah that'd be a laugh - so he let me watch how he did it. I guess he thought I was like, interested in horses like I was a lil' girl or somethin'. Now, you'd think that somethin' big an' strong like a horse would have a lot of stamina, yeh? Be real great a fuckin', y'know? Well this stallion spends a couple minutes sniffin' at his horse ladyfriend's parts before he hops up there and just as soon as tip touched lips he started oozin' his juice all out into her."

"Breeding?"

"So at first I thought, like, there's no way a horse could compare to you, right? I mean, you pounded me what seemed like all night long and then some so I didn't think the lil' bit that horse could do would really work out at all, so I gave up. But then the Inquisitor sent word that you lot were gettin' delayed over demons blockin' the way home or whatever and my nether regions were achin' for some jumbo-sized attention so I figured I'd try my luck with it."

"So you-" The Iron Bull could see where this was going. Cassandra had clearly already heard this story as well because she was busy covering her mouth and trying not to laugh at Bull's various surprised reactions.

"So I stole one of the stallions and wanted to try and fit it in but the dumb lug didn't even seem all that interested! Can you believe that? By the time I even got him hard enough to try, the stablehand had already reported the horse as stolen and then Cass's guards were all over me."

"Alright, Sera-" Cassandra tried to get her to stop but there was no stopping the small blonde elf.

"So now I get dragged in here and had to explain that whole thing to Cass. I convinced her that it's _your_ fault but that just made her keep me under guard 'til you all got back! I couldn't believe it, the whole problem was my ladyparts needin' attention and there's not exactly a good way for me to go about that if Cass has a guard always followin' me around!" Sera crossed her arms and stared at Bull. Neither Bull nor Cassandra were ready for the sudden silence after the near-constant stream of talking so there was a bit of an awkward pause while they each waited for someone else to start talking.

"I uh... I didn't realize I had caused so much trouble for you. Sorry about that." Bull eventually broke the silence. 

"'Sorry'? Gonna need a bit more than a 'sorry' for this one. Gonna need a nice deep apology-fuck." Sera grinned and strode up to Bull, grabbed the buckle of his belt, and started to pull at it.

"Not in the War Room, Sera!" Cassandra commanded.

"Oh come on!" the elf whined back at her.

"How many times have I had to tell you: _no sex in the war room_. Not even the Inquisitor is allowed to break that rule."

"Ugh, _fine_." Sera grabbed Bull's hand and put her other hand on the door but froze when she heard Cassandra's voice again.

"Ah ah ah, neither of you are leaving yet. We still have more to discuss." Sera turned back around and, still holding on to Bull, moved back towards the table where Cassandra was waiting.

"I didn't even really steal it, y'know. I just sorta... _moved_ it to a different bit of the castle." Sera offered her defense without even being prompted for it.

"I think she's right. Technically, she isn't a horse thief." The Iron Bull finally spoke up. Cassandra just sighed and rubbed her temples.

"The problem wasn't _stealing_ the horse, it was the fact that people who are anti-Inquisition might try and say that we're all a bunch of horse-fuckers." Cassandra explained.

"Well, it's not _all_ of us, it's only a few." Sera muttered.

"That's beside the point!" Cassandra instantly responded. "Wait, what do you mean a _few_."

"Nuh-uh, I'm no snitch." Sera crossed her arms and pursed her lips together tightly for some extra emphasis. Cassandra sighed again. Sometimes she couldn't get the blonde to stop talking and sometimes she couldn't get her to start.

"Well... we'll talk about that some other time, I suppose. For now though, Bull, I think you have something you need to take care of."

"Oh, right now? But you said not in the War Room." Part of him regretted the smartass comment as soon as it came out of his mouth but he really couldn't help himself sometimes.

" _No not right now_ " Cassandra snapped back at him. "We've got an entire giant keep, you can pick almost any room in it! Some of them aren't even used for anything!"

"Well, I'm pretty tired from the long trip... so I'm not sure if I could really perform up to Sera's rigorous standards just yet." Bull grinned and shrugged. He wasn't _completely_ lying, he was just exaggerating how tired he was.

" _You_... _you_... _ugh_ " Ah, yes, there it was. That satisfying feeling Bull always got when messing with Cassandra like this. Cassandra took a deep breath and then turned to Sera. "Have you thought about trying fisting instead?"

"'scuse you?" Sera said

"Instead of trying to find someone with a suitably big cock, have you tried having someone use their hand?" Cassandra wasn't quite sure if Sera didn't know what she was referring to or if she just hadn't been expecting the sudden question.

"Cass-" Bull tried to say something but neither woman paid any attention to him.

"His dick already stretches me to my limit and his hands seem even bigger so I don't think that'd be a good idea."

"Well what about this?" Cassandra pulled off one of her gloves and held it out for Sera to examine. "I wouldn't mind helping you out with this." Sera gently grabbed Cassandra's hand, examined each of her fingers, and then balled her hand into a fist and examined it once again.

"Yeh, alright, that's a good shout. Let's give it a go." Sera giggled and smiled at Cassandra. She kept her grip on Cassandra's hand and started towards the door.

"Hey, wait, I-" Bull tried to get their attention but they continued to ignore him.

"You know, Sera, I'm surprised that Bull even fits in you. You're so dainty and he's... _very_ big." Cassandra commented as the pair of them headed out into the hall.

"Yeh, I even surprised myself a bit the first time." Sera paused as she thought about what Cassandra had said. "Hey, wait, how would you know how big it is?" Sera responded.

"Hah, how indeed. Maybe I'll tell you about that some time." Cassandra replied with a laugh. The Iron Bull stared at the door as it slowly swung shut behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a rather silly idea I had and it was really fun to write. Sera is really fun to write, hopefully her frantic rant comes across well/is easily understandable.


End file.
